Year-In-Review

Year in Review 2020-2021

In what way(s) did you personally grow this year? How did you demonstrate or rebuild the resilience needed to move forward during this time? How will you utilize resources and your support network to hold yourself accountable in continuing this growth?

RESILIENCE

This year was a tough one for a number of reasons. The most obvious one is the psychological impact the ongoing pandemic has had on all of us. Being socially distant from all of our friends, not being able to go to restaurants, movie theaters, weddings, not being able to travel, not being able to see relatives, professors, peers, and having to venture into the world of virtual education and work. All of these things have heavily impacted us in one way or another. The lack of new activities made my routine dull and boring, and soon enough, I felt my situation depression setting in. However, I had an enlightening conversation with my mom which completely changed my perspective on my situation. She told me how important an individual’s mindset is in times like this. We were all going through some rough times in one way or another, but with a positive mindset, anyone can get through anything. After this talk, I started to think about what I could do in my situation instead of what I couldn’t do. I started doing yoga outside of my house every day. I planned trips to the park with my family. I met my friends in a safe and socially distant way, while also planning FaceTime calls to catch up. I worked out every day and began appreciating my mom’m delicious homemade meals, as I knew I was not going to enjoy it when I went to college.

Soon college began, and that came with its own challenges. With “virtual learning” becoming the new norm. However, it was still my first year, and my grades were still important. That meant I needed to be determined, hardworking, and motivated. It was difficult, and I knew that I needed a great support system to help me get through. I talked to my parents as often as I could, and they helped me through any challenges I faced while also encouraging me to do the best that I could do given the circumstances. I also joined new organizations to help me meet my peers, since that was one of the biggest downfalls of a virtual education- the lack of social contact. I attempted to do my best to make up for all of the holes the pandemic left in my life, and although it was not the same, it was enough.

Along with the pandemic, I faced numerous deaths in my own community, my grandfather being one of them. Covid-19 had affected all of us. I had the virus in early February and only faced fatigue and headaches while my grandfather’s lungs collapsed under the wrath of the virus. Many of my friends’ parents also passed away, which gave way to intruding anxieties about my own parents. My family was struggling with the loss of so many and being away from home made these losses all the more challenging for me. However, with the help of a therapist, my friends, my peers, and my family, I was able to get through these tough times.

This is when I was applying to a leadership role for an organization I am involved in. I came across the question: what three words describe you. I knew that I had to include diligent and amicable, since these are definitely words that describe me. However I wanted to acknowledge my ability to face tough situations with a sense of positivity and determination to get through them. That is when I found my new favorite word: Resilient. These experiences, although tough, taught me so much about myself and about the world around me. I endured so much, but at the end of the day, I was able to get through it all. This past year I can define myself as resilient.

Year in Review 2021-2022

In what way(s) did you personally grow this year? How did you demonstrate or rebuild the resilience needed to move forward? How will you utilize resources and your support network to hold yourself accountable in continuing this growth?

GROWTH

I feel like every year is a tough year for me! However, this year I learned a lot about who I am and how I learn and persevere. The first semester was incredibly challenging for me, as virtual school ended and I was met with incredibly challenging courses such as organic chemistry and physics. The type of material being taught required way more effort than what I was used to putting in for school. I was quite literally in shock. I did not understand how to study, what to study, or even whom to ask for help. This level of distraught, paired with a severe vitamin D deficiency led to a semester full of depression. It took so much work to even get out of bed. Hanging out with friends was not even considered since I always felt like I had too much to do and was falling behind. Although I refused to spend time with friends because "I had a lot of work to do" I would sit at my desk and blankly stare at my laptop- not even knowing where to start. My grades were at an all-time low and honestly, the only thing that got me through this period was my amazing support system.

As the second semester began, I took a step back and evaluated what went wrong my first semester. Firstly, I spoke to my doctor about feeling extra weary and tired all the time, and after a few blood tests I got my vitamin D prescription! Next, I realized that I had a lot of resources that I could tap into at any time- I just needed to use them. I learned about SI sessions, and peer tutoring at the Learning Center, and overcame my fears of meeting my professors during office hours. Throughout the first few weeks, I made it a priority to establish a schedule and understand how I learned best. I created a learning style for myself- something that I feel was very helpful for me while taking these difficult courses. I grew so much as a student. I made a ton of mistakes my first semester, partially my fault and partially not, but I learned from all of them. I think the most important thing I learned this year is that UC has provided me with a ton of resources, it is just a matter of finding them and utilizing them. One of my goals for next year is to build deeper relationships with my advisors and my professors to expand on my support system and acquire new information about opportunities I wouldn't otherwise know about.

My sophomore year has also been THE year for me in terms of leadership. I, along with five other women, started a new chapter of Phi Delta Epsilon, a medical fraternity, at UC. This took hours and hours of zoom calls and meetings, and as the Vice President of Programming, I spent hours emailing speakers and contacts about finalizing programs. I initially interviewed for two positions, VP of Programming and VP of Recruitment. I wanted the latter but ended up getting the former. I was afraid- my anxiety went through the roof when I had to make a quick call to my doctor, I didn't know how I was going to create relationships for the future PhiDE members to build on. However, I quickly learned that I absolutely loved event planning. I planned medical school student panels, suture clinics, and physicians to come to speak with our chapter. Another leadership position I held was as the Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion Chair of the Chi Omega sorority. Through this experience, I learned how to present to more than 100 members about DEI topics in a manner applicable to them. This was an incredibly challenging task. Many of my "sisters" are open-minded and love learning about new topics but easily lose interest. I worked hard to plan engaging experiences such as a sisterhood to the Underground Railroad Museum in downtown Cincinnati. Through both of these experiences, I realized my love for leading.

This year I feel that I have flourished as both a student and a leader and found where my passions truly lie. I decided to embark on adding on a Public Health minor and have taken some really interesting classes such as "Mental Health Issues" which have expanded my knowledge and further impassioned me to become a psychiatrist.

Year in Review 2022-2023

Strength

This year has been one that has tested my capacity to move forward despite the challenges that I have faced. Every year my classes get more and more challenging. The speed at which the classes I took this year were taught was astonishing, and I had to adapt quickly in order to keep up with the courses. It was, however, the first time I was actually enjoying what I was learning. The past few years I had to take prerequisites and basic science classes that didn't have much to do with medicine. However, the classes I took this year expanded my capacity for knowledge and allowed me to understand higher-level scientific topics. These classes: biochemistry, molecular genetics, medical physiology, medical genetics, life in medicine, and literature in medicine pushed me to think about science in a different way than I was ever used to. It made learning fun, as I was able to connect content with personal experiences and real medical knowledge. In particular, I was able to take two courses toward my Medical Humanities certificate: literature in Medicine and Life in Medicine. Literature in medicine was a course that helped me think about medicine from a humanitarian perspective. I learned about narrative medicine, which describes the importance of individual experience in medicine. How the experience you leave every patient with will shape their understanding of healthcare. This topic spoke volumes to me, and I switched to a public health minor because of my interest in the social determinants of health and healthcare accessibility. Through books such as 'Black Man in a White Coat', I was able to expand my perspective and understand the experience of other communities that I don't identify. To continue my education in the humanities of medicine, I took a course titled 'Life in Medicine' which was taught by an experienced physician who had created a course hoping to teach young minds the knowledge and experience he had gathered in his years of practicing medicine. We learned about ethics, inclusive language, healthcare affordability, and accessibility. I hope to utilize the things I have learned from these classes to become a more empathetic, equitable, and inclusive physician in the future.

In the midst of taking these challenging courses, a tragic and rather traumatic life event occurred which has impacted me deeply. In the fall, I witnessed a car crash into two freshman students who were walking across a crosswalk near campus. I saw one of the young girls fly 40 feet away from the crosswalk, right next to where I was, frozen and in disbelief, standing on the sidewalk. It took me a few minutes to rush over to her and ask if she was all right, to which there was no response. As I checked for a pulse and called out for help, I couldn't help but think about how this young girl could have very easily been my friend, or even worse, me. I walked across that same crosswalk every day on my way to and back from school. This beautiful young Black girl had passed in my arms, a sight that I still to this day have trouble getting out of my head. It was troubling to me that as a pre-medical student, I hadn't done more to help her. This guilt still haunts me, but I am working on it little by little.

As finals season was coming and my long-planned trip to Mombasa, Kenya was coming up, the guilt and trauma from this incident became a memory that I packed up in a neat box in the back of my brain in order to keep myself moving. I trudged forward with classes and spoke little about what happened. I was focused on getting done with the semester and hopefully enjoying my trip to Kenya, where I was going to be shadowing physicians and learning about the local healthcare system. The trip was beautiful, eye-opening, and very insightful. I had learned so much and was also able to travel to see the city a bit. The one thing that kept bothering me, however, was a strange pressure on my chest that made breathing a bit difficult.

When I came home from Kenya, I spoke with my parents about the chest tightness and about possibly talking to a therapist but it was put on the back burner and forgotten about. My second semester was riddled with chest tightness and difficulty breathing, which I realized was a result of extreme anxiety and depression. The little box in the back of my head was not staying put and I was feeling the subconscious effects of not dealing with my trauma. However, as the semester went on, I pushed through school and worked hard to finish my classes with decent grades. It was hard, however, to be productive and get things done. I felt a constant weight on me, which I later realized was depression. I didn't want to see people, I had a hard time getting out of bed every day, I couldn't even take care of myself properly. I had such a hard time getting started on assignments and getting things done. The imposter syndrome became so real and I constantly questioned my intelligence and capability to graduate and go to medical school.

I finally finished my semester and made my way home, hoping for a smooth sailing and restful summer. I was planning on seeking out a therapist and working on my mental health one step at a time. At the end of May, however, I received the news that one of my close family friends was missing. She was one of my older sister's childhood best friends, and coincidentally, I also danced with her since I was four years old. I would see her at least once a week and would carpool with her younger brother to school every day. To say she was a significant part of my childhood would be an understatement. Her family had moved from Kansas City to Dallas about eight years ago, but my sister and I had always made it a point to visit her whenever visiting family there. Her parents were incredibly strict and emotionally manipulative, not allowing her to live on her own even though she was 25 and controlling every aspect of her life. She was so talkative, and outgoing, she would say whatever was on her mind and was never afraid of who she was. The one thing she feared was letting her parents down. The last time we saw her, she had a job, was starting graduate school, and was happy with her life. She wanted so badly to move out and we encouraged her to live independently, but we knew that it would take a few more years for her to be able to do that.

The news of her missing was shocking and we all prayed that she had just run away from home, hoping she was safe. A few days later, however, we got the news that she was found in Oklahoma, passed in her car from a gunshot wound; a suspected suicide. I didn't know how to deal with this. The chest tightness and difficulty breathing got worse than ever before and I felt like the whole world was caving around me. It felt so unreal. I wish I could have done more to ease her pain and to be there for her, but again, the guilt can't change what had already happened. I was stuck with this feeling: like something awful happens every few months and I have to constantly brace myself for the next awful thing.

In mid-June, I finally started seeing a therapist. Slowly but surely, I have started to see some progress. I was diagnosed with mild ADHD, which felt really good because it turns out I am smart enough, I just have ADHD! I was also diagnosed with panic disorder, which my therapist said was very apparent from the chest tightness and difficulty breathing. These diagnoses allowed me to put names to what I was feeling and going through, making it easier for me to understand and address the imposter syndrome and trauma I have been dealing with.

This year, I have experienced two of the worse events that have ever happened to me in my life of 21 years. I did not know how to address these traumatic incidences and how to face the pain and guilt I was feeling. But I reached out for help. I think that is the first step in positive growth and a step that took me a lot of strength to do. Asking for help is not always easy, especially when your parents don't understand what depression or anxiety looks like, or if even you are at a loss for what you are dealing with. It is easy to succumb to mental illnesses and not address your issues. I realized I had been doing that for over a year, trying to compartmentalize my issues and push forward. But I wanted to move forward with my life and feel capable, happy, and productive. It took me a lot of strength to ask for help and accept my vulnerability, I am really proud of myself.

Literature In Medicine reflective essay on the car accident